If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
