I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
