He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
