his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
