you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize