Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize