yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
