New invention idea: vibrating tampons
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
