Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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