just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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