I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
