quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
