I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
