i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is wine microwaveable?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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