Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there's paper in my vomit.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
