genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love having hate sex.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Houston, we have a blender
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
