i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize