i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
