My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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