I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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