I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
