dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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