fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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