I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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