If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
