she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You pole danced in your parka.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
