All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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