all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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