the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
this hospital has no fireball
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
