just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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