Sry I called you an 8
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
