Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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