There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The struggles of a small town man whore
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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