If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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