Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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