He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
