whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
