I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
