im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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