It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
