I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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