you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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