So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
