I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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