My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
