hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
