It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
