that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who died my cat blue again?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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