I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
