Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
