His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
