the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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