when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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