I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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