What a fucking waste of an outfit
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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