you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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