It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
