Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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