I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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