R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A+ Viking dick
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
