Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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