he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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