He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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