I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
