I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
