soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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