i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
